Posts filed under ‘Late-Night’
The Latest From Late Night Comedians
Jay Leno: “Folks, we’re starting to learn more and more about that man arrested in the New York SUV car bombing case. His name is…Faisal Shahzad. He’s from Pakistan. What tipped off the authorities he might be the bomber? His name is Faisal Shahzad. He’s from Pakistan.”
Jay Leno: “Well, looks like this guy was having financial problems as well. Turns out his house was in foreclosure. See, apparently the Taliban does not pay very well. … And not to mention, no benefits. Who would take a job as a car bomber where they tell you, you have to use your own car? That’s unbelievable.”
Stephen Colbert: “BP has shut off one of the three oil leaks. Now they just have to take care of the premium and super leaks.”
The Latest From Late Night Comedians
LATE-NIGHT
Jay Leno: “And for the second time since he became president, Barack Obama has slammed Las Vegas by saying, ‘You don’t blow bunch of cash in Vegas.’ Hey, the way government is spending money, I’d rather take the odds in Vegas. Wouldn’t you? At least…you might win something!”
Jay Leno: “Scientists in Australia announced that within five years they will be able to successfully carry out pig-to-human lung transplants. People could be part human, part pig. We have that already. I think it’s called John Edwards.”
Jimmy Fallon: “President Obama was busy holding two fundraisers in DC last night. During one of his speeches, Obama told the crowd, ‘We can’t be afraid of the future.’ … Most Americans agree with him, mainly because they are so busy being afraid of the present.”
Jimmy Fallon: “It’s tough out there. Even the Obama store in Washington, DC, is closing. That’s where they sell t-shirts, hats, and calendars with Obama’s face on them. You can tell they’re Obama calendars. They only go up to 2012.”
The Latest From Late Night Comedians
Late-Night
David Letterman: “President Obama is having a big Super Bowl party. And you know what he is doing? This guy is shrewd, very savvy politically. He has invited a bunch of…senators to come to the White House for the Super Bowl party. … What could be more fun than watching a four-hour football game with Joe Lieberman? There you go. Talk about rock ‘n’ roll.”
Jay Leno: “And just two weeks before he is scheduled to go to Nevada to campaign for Harry Reid, President Obama said Las Vegas is a place of excess that people should not visit during hard times. I guess the President feels if you want to see people cavorting with prostitutes and wasting your money, go to Washington.”
Jay Leno: “The wife of Governor Mark Sanford — you know the guy who snuck off to Argentina to see his mistress? You know this moron, this idiot? Well, now the wife says in the book, when they got married, Mark Sanford insisted on taking out the part about being faithful out of the wedding vows. Now, I’m no marriage counselor, but ladies, isn’t that a red flag?”
Jimmy Kimmel: “President Obama has decided to skip the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. I think he’s still mad they stiffed him in Chicago. But, they said it would be very expensive to arrange proper security for Obama, so they’re sending Vice President Joe Biden in his place. Because, you know, who cares?”
